My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
