I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
