why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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