and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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