i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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