do herpes really smell.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
