butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
