Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
