No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
