i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
