hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
