my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
