somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
