The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
