if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
