They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
