I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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