And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
