i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
