New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pants are for mortals
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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