I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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