Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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