We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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