I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
