if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
