you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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