I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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