Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
