someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
