ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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