Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
