I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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