God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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