I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
