Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
