oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
