Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
