Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
