Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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