Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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