the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
