remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
