I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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