WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
