history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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