Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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