Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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