No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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