The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
