We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
