Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
