so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
